There were so many things I was looking forwards to doing, or doing again with her.
These were just some of the things :
Dinner at Iggys again, for our anniversary
Dinner at Le Saint Julien, Fullerton waterhouse, for her birthday
The bird park
asti at a park
running every tuesday
singing along in the car
Duck tours
Hotel stay - pseudo tourist
Dinner at michaelangelos
Dinner and drinks at Oosh
Drink at cafe del mar
Let her criticize my servers
Wall-E
Sydney
sleep, just sleep
*****
In the aftermath, I can see that I was just being selfish.
The plan was to stay friends, the way she wanted me to.
It was a confusing friendship where we could tell each other we missed each other, or kissed or hugged at certain times, but not others. She held the reigns of the when and wheres.
The plan was for me to watch her moving on; because I knew that she would go first; my life is filled with the burdens of audits and studying, hers is a (comparatively) carefree, hedonistic life.
I thought I would be able to be strong and bear the pain and shrug it off, be selfless. For her, as always.
But this morning I was weak, and I faltered.
Again.
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